It seems like the whole thing revisited again. Bloody shit, magma within me was exploding and I couldn’t control much myself. It’s like the trip which I took some donkey years ago trying to cleanse myself of the self imposed stupor called drugs. Addiction which led to the weight loss and all that jazz; it never was the same again. Football was gone my ability as a player, not my skill, but the friggin’ ability to play was gone. I was sapped of strength and could do nothing about it. My appetite was the same but nothing would help me gain any weight or for that matter make me a player like before. Now I feel the same helpless and fucked up. I am still trying as hard as one can. The trip that of angst, panic attacks and anguish flushing me down the trap or the shithole, people call life’s tragedy or depression. I can’t take this anymore. And I aint the one who was asking for it, or was I? I don’t want to, its like some guy driving a bullet down your throat and then for better reasons known to them you follow it up with a finger down the same crevice trying to push that bullet even further down.
My mind churns with a daft premise unwilling to accept the contrary. Falling into the fucked up trap of believing what was being said. I never thought it was this good. I never said it would be this bad either. If I were Jeremy from Blood Brother by J.A. Kerley, surely many would repent. I think my take would be similar to Peter Crumb too. I would devastate my soul. I don’t see a reason not to. Saala, chutiya ban ke sab sehta raha. Today I say this, fuck or get fucked that’s not the point the point is the truth or the warmth of your love would never be understood by anyone. Do you really feel like loving someone, that’s all bull shit it doesn’t fly, it never will. In the great words of Eagles vocalist Don Henley: ‘We are all just Prisoners here, of our own device’. Shut up, fuck & move away, because true love don’t exist materials do. Everybody wants something in return and that’s the sad truth of our lives. We are sick demented middle children of destiny, our depression is our lives and our tardiness or stubbornness is nothing but the fucked truth about the fact that we are unwilling to believe what comes our way. If you can love a person, don’t expect, I didn’t, it’s not my way. But when that person wants to trip on your feelings for them, be sure send some kick backs from that, because they don’t deserve it neither do you.
The sick dual attitude towards people hits my head like the sledge-hammer from the depths of dark illicit furnace of some blacksmith who doesn’t care how his creation is being used. Just because I love someone doesn’t give them the right to kill my soul over and over again. They can’t be allowed to; I am the same person to all. Humorous, sick, pervert & preposterously ugly; my voice as vocal as ever but restrained, my heart broken, crest fallen and head feeling like that of being flushed down the shithole 100 times with cleaning acid all around the commode. Every time there is a flush, something within me burns. It burns my head, my brains; my neck. The feeding frenzy for the acid; which palpably eats into your flesh like a weirdly pissed termite, devouring everything which comes its way, unless you got a lead made head gear. These verbal exchanges, my heart eaten by this acid; which I gulped down umpteenth time down my trachea, by fighting this losing battle. Why would someone do this, first the jealousy, then the anger now its plain disgust.
I am in this nice little cozy corner of Lucifer’s den. Everything around me boils my soul nothing different from it. I will never understand why I fell for this girl, or why I still feel for her with all my heart and soul. I guess that’s precisely what love does to you. It eats you within; it consumes you, till there is a point of no return. You see a life with them; you can never see a life without them. The heart waits with all the patience built into it from the previous exploits to be with her. But to no avail the point is you would be screwed every time you stick your head out of the commode and try to raise yourself to the next level, it will never happen. It never happens and you should trust me on this I see me running into the pitch dark cave with shards of glass scattered everywhere. But hey, who said life is without one. The biggest shard in the way are feelings, in a corporation it’s easy to lose them. But what about the incessant personal life; there is nothing that you can do. I say fuck all this, the key to happiness is, never ask for something because it will never come to you.
Our lives are that of compromise, the biggest one is the one we make on love. It’s all big bunch of bull crap never in your life you will succeed in love everything is a compromise. Never dream of giving something to the one you love; because they won’t even care about the fact that they are loved and your feelings are never going to be heard. That’s the bottom line and that’s what will keep happening since we all are the children of the same Adam who had the forbidden fruit. He had no option at all himself had to settle for Eve. There is always someone better but you will never achieve it. Living on plots of 30 by 20 and 60 by 40, you will ruin your life in running and trying to pay your debts and trying to get out of some mess you were not even responsible for. That’s life and love’s implication in it. Its never bed of roses and there are no shortcuts and the ones which do exist are the biggest tragedies of our lives because the shortcut will end you up in a mess you can’t morally bear.
We won’t be superstars or rock stars or as a matter of fact anything close to a high flyer, fucking unit on the normal curve you will never get out of the 9 to 5 life that you so willingly adorn to have a bigger slice of the cream pie which shrinks as the economy gets murkier by the day. But don’t worry; the girl will not understand that. She never can because as I said earlier the stubbornness born within always gets the best of us. Nothing can melt it down with any amount of love that you show. They are like prison walls of Alcatraz sturdy and no one can even after beating their heads and hearts break the wall, sewer is something I wont take for freedom I would desist it, always.
My mind churns with a daft premise unwilling to accept the contrary. Falling into the fucked up trap of believing what was being said. I never thought it was this good. I never said it would be this bad either. If I were Jeremy from Blood Brother by J.A. Kerley, surely many would repent. I think my take would be similar to Peter Crumb too. I would devastate my soul. I don’t see a reason not to. Saala, chutiya ban ke sab sehta raha. Today I say this, fuck or get fucked that’s not the point the point is the truth or the warmth of your love would never be understood by anyone. Do you really feel like loving someone, that’s all bull shit it doesn’t fly, it never will. In the great words of Eagles vocalist Don Henley: ‘We are all just Prisoners here, of our own device’. Shut up, fuck & move away, because true love don’t exist materials do. Everybody wants something in return and that’s the sad truth of our lives. We are sick demented middle children of destiny, our depression is our lives and our tardiness or stubbornness is nothing but the fucked truth about the fact that we are unwilling to believe what comes our way. If you can love a person, don’t expect, I didn’t, it’s not my way. But when that person wants to trip on your feelings for them, be sure send some kick backs from that, because they don’t deserve it neither do you.
The sick dual attitude towards people hits my head like the sledge-hammer from the depths of dark illicit furnace of some blacksmith who doesn’t care how his creation is being used. Just because I love someone doesn’t give them the right to kill my soul over and over again. They can’t be allowed to; I am the same person to all. Humorous, sick, pervert & preposterously ugly; my voice as vocal as ever but restrained, my heart broken, crest fallen and head feeling like that of being flushed down the shithole 100 times with cleaning acid all around the commode. Every time there is a flush, something within me burns. It burns my head, my brains; my neck. The feeding frenzy for the acid; which palpably eats into your flesh like a weirdly pissed termite, devouring everything which comes its way, unless you got a lead made head gear. These verbal exchanges, my heart eaten by this acid; which I gulped down umpteenth time down my trachea, by fighting this losing battle. Why would someone do this, first the jealousy, then the anger now its plain disgust.
I am in this nice little cozy corner of Lucifer’s den. Everything around me boils my soul nothing different from it. I will never understand why I fell for this girl, or why I still feel for her with all my heart and soul. I guess that’s precisely what love does to you. It eats you within; it consumes you, till there is a point of no return. You see a life with them; you can never see a life without them. The heart waits with all the patience built into it from the previous exploits to be with her. But to no avail the point is you would be screwed every time you stick your head out of the commode and try to raise yourself to the next level, it will never happen. It never happens and you should trust me on this I see me running into the pitch dark cave with shards of glass scattered everywhere. But hey, who said life is without one. The biggest shard in the way are feelings, in a corporation it’s easy to lose them. But what about the incessant personal life; there is nothing that you can do. I say fuck all this, the key to happiness is, never ask for something because it will never come to you.
Our lives are that of compromise, the biggest one is the one we make on love. It’s all big bunch of bull crap never in your life you will succeed in love everything is a compromise. Never dream of giving something to the one you love; because they won’t even care about the fact that they are loved and your feelings are never going to be heard. That’s the bottom line and that’s what will keep happening since we all are the children of the same Adam who had the forbidden fruit. He had no option at all himself had to settle for Eve. There is always someone better but you will never achieve it. Living on plots of 30 by 20 and 60 by 40, you will ruin your life in running and trying to pay your debts and trying to get out of some mess you were not even responsible for. That’s life and love’s implication in it. Its never bed of roses and there are no shortcuts and the ones which do exist are the biggest tragedies of our lives because the shortcut will end you up in a mess you can’t morally bear.
We won’t be superstars or rock stars or as a matter of fact anything close to a high flyer, fucking unit on the normal curve you will never get out of the 9 to 5 life that you so willingly adorn to have a bigger slice of the cream pie which shrinks as the economy gets murkier by the day. But don’t worry; the girl will not understand that. She never can because as I said earlier the stubbornness born within always gets the best of us. Nothing can melt it down with any amount of love that you show. They are like prison walls of Alcatraz sturdy and no one can even after beating their heads and hearts break the wall, sewer is something I wont take for freedom I would desist it, always.
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